I've started classes!!!

I've started classes, and posting in this blog may be the onset of the procrastination that I already feel setting in.

I'm very apprehensive about this new quarter. First off, I'm not very confident at all in the knowledge of my subject matter. Sure I was able to pretty much ace the CSET tests (save for that last essay question), but a standing understanding of a broad knowledge of Biology which can be maintained over a long period of time and explained to students is very different than the ability to cram for an ace a subject matter test, which is what I've felt I've done. I am by no means an expert at Biology and in many instances I've had to run to the textbook to look up an answer to a question a student has asked me.

Sure I've probably encountered all these answers before in my past, but I have by no means internalized them. I am unsure how well prepared my cohort is in the teaching program. Notably, most of them are social science majors, but I fear I won't be able to stand up to the knowledge of my fellow Biology focused friends. Speaking of which, Biology dominates the Science content focusers, over every other subject. Not too surprising seeing as how it seems to be one of the most common majors in Universities these days.

I am already swamped with work, and I spent the better part of yesterday simply organizing all my deadlines and class times in a calendar. I still don't have everything, as I'm waiting on the syllabus for a certain class. I've also very nearly spent 500 dollars on books for this quarter alone. My budget of 1700 for books for the whole year may have been a gross underestimate. I honestly do have a passion for teaching, but I really don't feel it at this moment taking classes which I have to bus-Bart-bus-walkfor30minutesinthesun to. I am still desperately waiting for Financial Aid to come through. At this point, I believe I have attained it, but am simply waiting for the damned bureaucracy to finish doing whatever it is they're doing. I owe the school over 2000 dollars, and my mind is beginning to lose its financial acumen. I've been blowing my budget with impulse purchases for two weeks now, and I have near to no income. I also (DESPERATELY DESPERATELY PLEASE-GOD-OH-PLEASE-GIVE-ME-ONE) need a car. I really want to move as well, as I can't take it much longer in this 4 foot by 4 foot square box.

At least my campus is beautiful. I am taking 6-7 classes this summer with the same exact people that I will be having in all of my classes for the next year, so I hope I don't get sick of them or they don't get sick of me. Actually, I think that this is a very good way of going about things. Reminds me of Elementary School, where you had the same classmates all year. You network, you actually get to know people (instead of sitting there for an hour and disappearing off to lord-knows-where without talking to a soul - Like I usually do), and exchange contact information so you can watch out for each other in case you forget something. As always I still feel a bit like an outsider. When the big group of students is out having lunch together at the same table in the quad, I'm generally inside buying something to eat, or talking on my phone. I guess it takes effort to simply gravitate to large crowds of people and integrate yourself into it. I'm probably simply not interested. I'm content with being friendly and cooperative, but by no means am I a 'buddy'. I know teachers are supposed to teach group activity and working together, but I guess I'm a poor model for that.