Creep

So I was listening to a song today that reminded me of my high school years on my way back from work today (if anyone is wondering, it was "Creep" by Radiohead), and of my awkward feelings of love towards this fellow named James who I had a huge crush on. Since I graduated from High School I had always wondered what had happened to James, because the last I'd heard of him his mom had died, and he dropped out of classes and college track team, and I think he was still dating that bitch he was dating in High School that made him look completely unhappy all the time. I've never really been able to talk to him since I started crushing on him (oddly enough, I sat in the same group with him for half a year and had no problem talking to him or had any feelings for him for whatever reason). The last time I talked to him, was extremely awkward and embarrassing, and I can't really describe it.

Anyway, this song really filled me with memories of him, and his beautiful smile. I had searched on Facebook and the rest of the internet for him for about 5 years now? He never came up. I decided to try again today, and lo and behold his page came up. It was brand new, and he had 20 friends, and his profile picture had that same good'ol beautiful smile of his and he was standing next to a beautiful girl who looked really kind. She was wearing an Army shirt, and his page noted that he was a Specialist in the Army, as a Field Medic.

I'm just extremely happy to know that he's doing well now. He'll never know the feelings I had for him, and I'll probably never stop loving him from afar and wishing him well and safe wherever he is. I didn't friend him on Facebook, and I don't think I will. I just wanted to know that he was still around, and now I do. =]

Financial Aid

I recently got accepted for the dependency override for financial aid. However while I was waiting for that, I should have filled out a bunch of forms and applied for scholarships. I now have a four day deadline to get some letters of rec and write out another personal statement. In any case, things are looking up.

My boyfriend is driving me crazy. I don't know why he does this, but some times he just totally shuts himself off from me and gets pissy and angry. It really pisses me off. The worst thing is, even if I wanted to break up with him, it's probably not possible at this point because he is supporting me, more than I am supporting him. For instance, he always has the option of going back home or borrowing money from parents. I don't, so I am more dependent on him to keep making his rent payments and such. I love him though and I don't want it to come to that. But I really am in a precarious position until I can finally get a stable career.

These past few years, I've learned how to be more aggressive. However, I've also learned that aggressiveness does not always entail confidence, and rarely equals courage.