I passed the US Constitution test. It was a breeze actually. I also have an interview with the admissions board on March 1st. I'm rather nervous about that. I'm frantically getting all the rest of the things together for that. In particular, I still need volunteer hours within a class room.
Another large worry of mine is money. Actually it's really straining my relationship with my boyfriend. Although I place paying the rent above everything in priority, he doesn't seem to trust me. I am working at Safeway for 8.75 an hour. It's pretty sad for a University Graduate. Lately they've only been giving me 20 hour work weeks which isn't cutting it if I want to live. I recently got my manager to start giving me more hours, and this week I have a 40 hour work week. The problem is I don't have a car, so I either have to ride my bike to work everyday (7 miles each way, about an hour and a half each way) and I have shifts from 3 to midnight, so it kind of sucks especially with the rainy weather, or rely on my boyfriend to give me a ride. He doesn't mind doing it every now and then, but lately with the weather being horrible and my shifts being extra late, he's starting to stress about it. He also seems to have the mentality that I spend a lot of money. I spent 15 dollars on groceries last week. I purchased a rice cooker so we could save money by eating cheap rice and having it for meals. It really pisses me off when he doesn't trust me with my own money. He's younger than me, and hasn't finished college, but he makes more money than me, purely through luck.
I decided I'm going to start trying to get a substitute teaching position. That might justify getting a loan for a car and will help me pay for it. I just am totally clueless about how to go about it. It's going to be stressful juggling a fourty hour work week, planning my interview with the admissions committee, and attempting to get a volunteer position.
We'll see how it works out. I was declined for a credit card again, because I couldn't verify my address since I just moved here, and am on a sublease that's probably illegal. I don't know. Things will probably work out.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It's rainy, and I'm going to sleep
It's been a couple of weeks since I said goodbye to my family, and disowned them, and moved in with my boyfriend to my new life in the Bay Area. I got a job at Safeway again, as a courtesy clerk. It's going to be tough because I have no car.
I recently sent in my application packet to CSU East Bay for the Teacher Education Department. There are a few things that I still need to get in order however, such as the US Constitution test which I have to take on Thursday which I didn't study at all for yet, and my last bit of volunteering, which although I thought I set it up with the High School my boyfriend went to, they haven't yet gotten back to me. I wish they could give me a definite answer such as a yes or a no, rather than leave me hanging but whatever. We'll see if they schedule me an interview. I've got work tomorrow, so it's gonna be a bitch studying before work and then having to bike down there.
I have to say, I hate my job. Especially since it almost seemed like I rose to the top at my old Safeway and I'm starting all the way back down at the bottom again. At least they recognize that I'm better than all the other courtesy clerks they have there right now. I'm just afraid of becoming a permanent Safeway Employee and ending up like all permanent Safeway employees which is bitter, a bad sense of humor, but two-faced.
It's raining right now, and I love the sound, but I can't sleep.
I'm living with an old man and my boyfriend. The old man sleeps in the kitchen, is a war vet and sometimes drinks a little too much wine every night to kill his pain. He has a caretaker that comes in the daytime. They're both good people. She is a lesbian so that might be why he didn't feel disinclined to rent to us just because we were gay.
Living without well enough means to support myself is very hard. I can't get a car because I don't have car insurance. I don't want to rely on my boyfriend because he can't handle it and won't tolerate that either. I'm on my own, barely making any money working at a job that treats me like a slave with an uncertain future. Even next week is uncertain. Sometimes though I just feel so happy.
A customer at work told me I was too happy. Someday life would happen and take that smile right off my face. I just laughed. There was no way that he would know that even though I'm 22, I've been beaten, broken, penniless, homeless, disowned, barely a friend in the world, and working at the shitty job he's seen me at. I'm not faking my smile either. God gave me an indomitable soul, and the smile I wear is always sincere. I'm thankful of where I am now, and only hope that I can overcome the trials set before me, while retaining my sense of self, and my ambition, my drive, and my imagination.
I think, in some ways, setting out to live on your own is a much tougher decision than joining the military as was my previous choice. You're out on your own with no one to support you. I realize the reason I wanted to join the army was because I was so afraid of the real world. I wanted a pre-regimented schedule. I wanted someone to tell me what to do with my life because I had no clue. Eventually I weighed that against the 6 to 8 years I would have to spend with them running my entire life without any choices to be made by me; having to lie for those 6 to 8 years about who I loved and never seeing my boyfriend.
I want to always celebrate my birthday with a fire. A bonfire or a campfire, any type of fire underneath the night sky. I've decided this and I will do my best to stick to this resolution for the rest of my years. The first year I started was last year at Muir Beach. It was probably one of the most memorable birthdays I've had thus far.
I feel sorry for the man that lives here. He can't walk. I would hate that. I want to be able to go everywhere. I'm feeling trapped as it is, but all my worries are insignificant in comparison to what he's living with every day. What he has lived in his life. I've still lived almost nothing, even though I've lived a lot for my age. I want to get a job as a teacher, and use my summers to travel the world and help scientists or do good. I want to get accepted into CSU East Bay. I want to get the Financial Aid I applied for. I want to get my volunteer hours done. I want to pass my US Constitution Test. I want to get enough hours and pay at Safeway to support myself through this. I want to get a second job perhaps as a substitute teacher. I want to go to sleep.
I recently sent in my application packet to CSU East Bay for the Teacher Education Department. There are a few things that I still need to get in order however, such as the US Constitution test which I have to take on Thursday which I didn't study at all for yet, and my last bit of volunteering, which although I thought I set it up with the High School my boyfriend went to, they haven't yet gotten back to me. I wish they could give me a definite answer such as a yes or a no, rather than leave me hanging but whatever. We'll see if they schedule me an interview. I've got work tomorrow, so it's gonna be a bitch studying before work and then having to bike down there.
I have to say, I hate my job. Especially since it almost seemed like I rose to the top at my old Safeway and I'm starting all the way back down at the bottom again. At least they recognize that I'm better than all the other courtesy clerks they have there right now. I'm just afraid of becoming a permanent Safeway Employee and ending up like all permanent Safeway employees which is bitter, a bad sense of humor, but two-faced.
It's raining right now, and I love the sound, but I can't sleep.
I'm living with an old man and my boyfriend. The old man sleeps in the kitchen, is a war vet and sometimes drinks a little too much wine every night to kill his pain. He has a caretaker that comes in the daytime. They're both good people. She is a lesbian so that might be why he didn't feel disinclined to rent to us just because we were gay.
Living without well enough means to support myself is very hard. I can't get a car because I don't have car insurance. I don't want to rely on my boyfriend because he can't handle it and won't tolerate that either. I'm on my own, barely making any money working at a job that treats me like a slave with an uncertain future. Even next week is uncertain. Sometimes though I just feel so happy.
A customer at work told me I was too happy. Someday life would happen and take that smile right off my face. I just laughed. There was no way that he would know that even though I'm 22, I've been beaten, broken, penniless, homeless, disowned, barely a friend in the world, and working at the shitty job he's seen me at. I'm not faking my smile either. God gave me an indomitable soul, and the smile I wear is always sincere. I'm thankful of where I am now, and only hope that I can overcome the trials set before me, while retaining my sense of self, and my ambition, my drive, and my imagination.
I think, in some ways, setting out to live on your own is a much tougher decision than joining the military as was my previous choice. You're out on your own with no one to support you. I realize the reason I wanted to join the army was because I was so afraid of the real world. I wanted a pre-regimented schedule. I wanted someone to tell me what to do with my life because I had no clue. Eventually I weighed that against the 6 to 8 years I would have to spend with them running my entire life without any choices to be made by me; having to lie for those 6 to 8 years about who I loved and never seeing my boyfriend.
I want to always celebrate my birthday with a fire. A bonfire or a campfire, any type of fire underneath the night sky. I've decided this and I will do my best to stick to this resolution for the rest of my years. The first year I started was last year at Muir Beach. It was probably one of the most memorable birthdays I've had thus far.
I feel sorry for the man that lives here. He can't walk. I would hate that. I want to be able to go everywhere. I'm feeling trapped as it is, but all my worries are insignificant in comparison to what he's living with every day. What he has lived in his life. I've still lived almost nothing, even though I've lived a lot for my age. I want to get a job as a teacher, and use my summers to travel the world and help scientists or do good. I want to get accepted into CSU East Bay. I want to get the Financial Aid I applied for. I want to get my volunteer hours done. I want to pass my US Constitution Test. I want to get enough hours and pay at Safeway to support myself through this. I want to get a second job perhaps as a substitute teacher. I want to go to sleep.
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